What is Tase (Talking Phase): Extended Period of Getting to Know Someone Before Officially Dating

We live in a dating culture where labels can feel heavier than ever, and rushing into them can be risky. Somewhere between “we just met” and “we’re officially together” lies a gray zone—one that’s not quite friendship, not quite a relationship. In modern dating slang, that limbo is often called Tase, or the Talking Phase.

This isn’t about the kind of small talk you have with strangers in an elevator. The talking phase is a deeper, extended period of connection building—where you and someone else are getting to know each other, testing compatibility, and deciding whether you want to commit, without officially putting a label on things yet.

Some people love this stage. Others find it confusing and exhausting. But either way, the talking phase has become a defining feature of modern romance.

Where Did the Term “Tase” Come From?

The slang “Tase” isn’t a centuries-old concept—it’s a modern nickname for a very old human ritual: courtship without immediate commitment. The idea has always existed in some form. In older times, it might have been called “wooing” or “courting,” often overseen by families or communities.

Now, with dating apps, instant messaging, and social media, the talking phase is more casual, less structured, and often longer than it used to be. “Tase” simply shortens the phrase talking phase and adds that snappy, modern, social-media-friendly vibe that Gen Z and Millennials love to use.

It’s shorthand for:

“We’re not dating yet, but we’re not strangers either. We’re talking… and seeing where it goes.”

Why the Talking Phase Exists in Modern Dating

It’s tempting to think the talking phase is just a way for people to avoid commitment—but that’s not always the case. There are several reasons this extended “pre-relationship” stage has become so common:

1. Dating App Culture
   When you meet someone online, you don’t usually jump into dating right away. You message, you share memes, you ask about each other’s favorite coffee order. The talking phase acts as a buffer between swiping right and going on a first date.
2. Fear of Heartbreak
   People today are more cautious with emotional investment. After all, many have been ghosted, breadcrumbed, or burned before. The talking phase allows both people to vet each other before diving in.
3. Busy Lifestyles
   With careers, studies, side hustles, and social lives, people often can’t prioritize a full-blown relationship immediately. Talking is a way to connect without committing to a demanding schedule.
4. More Options, More Hesitation
   Dating apps provide an endless stream of potential matches. The downside? People hesitate to settle on one person, so they linger in talking mode while “keeping options open.”

How Long Should the Talking Phase Last?

This is one of the most debated questions in modern dating. Some couples move from talking to official dating in a few weeks. Others linger for months, or even a year.

The “ideal” length depends on your personal dating style, your intentions, and how much emotional readiness you both have. But here are some general timelines people follow:

• Short Talking Phase (1–3 weeks)
  This works for people who believe in fast attraction and quick decision-making. They’d rather date and see if it works than talk forever.
• Moderate Talking Phase (1–2 months)
  This is common for people who want a balance between emotional connection and action. It’s enough time to get to know each other, but not so long that you risk losing momentum.
• Long Talking Phase (3+ months)
  Sometimes this works beautifully—if both parties are enjoying the journey and building deep trust. Other times, it’s a red flag for avoidance of commitment.

The Benefits of a Longer Talking Phase

While some people view a drawn-out talking phase as stalling, it can actually be a good thing—if both people are on the same page.

1. Deeper Emotional Connection
   Talking without pressure allows for more vulnerable conversations. You learn each other’s quirks, pet peeves, and values before romance clouds judgment.
2. Filtering Out Wrong Matches
   The longer you talk, the easier it is to see red flags—like inconsistent behavior, poor communication, or lack of shared goals—before investing too much.
3. Natural Relationship Growth
   Without rushing, feelings can grow at a comfortable pace. This often creates a stronger foundation for the relationship.
4. Reduced Performance Pressure
   Official relationships can bring expectations about how often you text, meet, or say “I love you.” The talking phase is more flexible and less demanding.

The Downsides of Staying in Tase Too Long

The talking phase can be magical—but it can also be frustrating when it drags on with no clear direction.

1. Mixed Signals
   Without a defined relationship, you might not know if the other person is serious about you—or just passing time.
2. The Illusion of Progress
   You can talk every day and feel like you’re building something, but without actions or commitment, it might be an emotional placeholder.
3. Competition & Overlap
   In the absence of exclusivity, the other person might still be talking to other people. If you’re not aligned on expectations, this can lead to disappointment.
4. Fear of Asking “What Are We?”
   Many people avoid having the DTR (Define The Relationship) conversation out of fear it will end the connection. This can lead to lingering in uncertainty.

Signs You’re in the Talking Phase

Not sure if you’re in Tase with someone? Here are some classic signs:

• You text or message almost every day, but haven’t defined the relationship.
• You’ve gone on a few casual dates, but there’s no exclusivity.
• You know personal details about each other, but not future plans.
• You avoid calling each other “boyfriend,” “girlfriend,” or “partner.”
• You sometimes wonder if you’re the only one they’re talking to.

How to Make the Most of the Talking Phase

If you’re going to spend weeks or months in Tase, you might as well do it in a way that actually builds connection instead of just floating in limbo.

1. Be Curious, Not Just Flirty
   Physical attraction is great, but sustainable relationships thrive on emotional depth. Ask about their dreams, values, and family stories—not just their favorite TV shows.
2. Do More Than Text
   Try voice notes, video calls, or in-person meetups. Texting alone can create a false sense of intimacy without real-world connection.
3. Set Emotional Boundaries
   Remember: until you define the relationship, you’re not in an exclusive commitment. Protect your heart and don’t invest all your romantic energy too soon.
4. Test Compatibility Through Small Plans
   Grab coffee, run errands together, or cook a meal at home. These casual interactions reveal more than fancy dates.

When to Move From Talking to Dating

Eventually, the talking phase should evolve—or you risk getting stuck in “situationship” territory. Here are signs it’s time to level up:

• You’re consistently prioritizing each other over other romantic options.
• You’ve met (or talked about meeting) each other’s friends or family.
• The idea of them dating other people bothers you.
• Your conversations naturally include future plans together.
• You’ve both hinted at wanting more—but haven’t formally addressed it.

When these signs show up, it’s time to have the DTR conversation. That doesn’t mean rushing into marriage—it simply means aligning on whether you’re exclusive and intentional about dating.

The “What Are We?” Conversation: How to Have It Without Scaring Them Off

Asking “What are we?” can feel like stepping onto a high wire without a safety net. But clarity is healthier than lingering in uncertainty.

Here’s how to approach it:

1. Choose the Right Timing
   Don’t spring it on them mid-laugh or during a stressful day. Pick a relaxed moment.
2. Keep It Light, But Honest
   Instead of, “We need to talk…,” try: “I’ve been enjoying getting to know you and I’m curious about how you see us moving forward.”
3. Be Ready for Any Answer
   They might be on the same page—or not ready to commit. Either way, you gain clarity.
4. Don’t Frame It as an Ultimatum
   The goal is mutual understanding, not forcing a decision they’re not ready for.

Why Some People Never Leave the Talking Phase

While the talking phase is meant to be a stepping stone, some people stay in it indefinitely. Reasons include:

• Avoidance of Vulnerability – They like the idea of connection but fear deeper emotional risk.
• Serial Talking – They enjoy the excitement of “getting to know someone” but lose interest once things get real.
• Situationship Comfort – They want affection without commitment.
• Unaligned Intentions – One person sees the phase as a path to a relationship; the other sees it as a pastime.

If you notice the other person avoiding any talk of exclusivity for months, it may be a sign they’re not looking for the same thing you are.

Talking Phase vs. Situationship

While they can look similar from the outside, the difference is in intention.

• Talking Phase – A transitional stage where the goal is to get to know each other and possibly enter a relationship.
• Situationship – An ongoing undefined relationship where neither person takes steps toward commitment.

Think of the talking phase as a hallway leading to a door. A situationship is standing in that hallway forever without deciding whether to open the door or walk away.

How Social Media Shapes the Talking Phase

Before smartphones, the talking phase might have involved letters, phone calls, and the occasional date. Now, it’s memes, TikToks, Instagram stories, and late-night DMs.

Social media changes the talking phase in two major ways:

1. Increased Access – You can interact all day without meeting in person, creating a sense of closeness that may or may not match reality.
2. Public vs. Private Signals – Posting someone on your social media can signal commitment, so some people avoid it to keep things ambiguous.

This hyper-connectivity can be both a blessing (easy to stay in touch) and a curse (easy to feel falsely secure).

Red Flags During the Talking Phase

Pay attention to patterns—not just words. Here are warning signs to watch for:

• They only talk late at night or when bored.
• They disappear for days without explanation.
• They avoid personal questions.
• They flirt with others openly while talking to you.
• They make promises for the future but never follow through.

These are often signs that the person enjoys your attention but isn’t serious about moving forward.

The Talking Phase in Different Generations

Interestingly, how long people stay in the talking phase varies by generation:

• Gen Z – Often prefers a longer talking phase, valuing deep compatibility and emotional connection before commitment.
• Millennials – Balance talking with action; they’re wary of wasting time but also cautious about rushing.
• Gen X and Boomers – Many skip long talking phases, preferring in-person connection and quicker clarity.

This isn’t universal, but dating attitudes are heavily shaped by cultural norms and personal experiences.

Making Peace With the Talking Phase

If you’re in Tase right now, here’s the truth: there’s no universal “right” way to do it. Some people use the talking phase to build an incredible relationship. Others use it as a stalling tactic. What matters most is mutual understanding.

• If you’re happy with the pace and connection, enjoy it.
• If you’re anxious, confused, or feeling strung along, it’s time for a conversation.
• If you’re incompatible, it’s better to learn that now than after committing.

Final Thoughts

The talking phase—Tase—isn’t inherently good or bad. It’s simply a modern pre-relationship ritual that can either be the foundation of something lasting or a comfortable limbo that leads nowhere.

Handled well, it can create emotional safety, deepen understanding, and filter out incompatible matches. Handled poorly, it can lead to wasted time, mixed signals, and heartbreak.

At its best, Tase is like a slow dance—each step intentional, each moment building anticipation. But like any dance, someone eventually has to take the lead and decide where the music is going.